Update Oct 2010

So, for those who are unaware, my husband and I have been trying to have a baby. The only problem - I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS.

The update:
I started with natural, 1 year, and my family doctor. Nothing. I didn't even have a period, and for those of you who don't know - no period means no ovulation.
Then in January of this year, I was referred to an OBGYN. Who is one of the better doctors that I have ever met. Of course, he is a he, and I have never had a male doctor before.

So, I was nervous my first appointment. But, he ended up being one of the best doctors I have met, and I work in the medical field. So, I have been on a drug called Clomid for the better part of this year. I had been increased to the highest dose - 200mg - and I still failed to ovulate.

So, after much deliberation I was referred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist. This guy - I just don't know. I can't tell if I like him or not. He seems judgmental and uninterested. But, I have my second appointment with him on Friday and this time it's an ultrasound whilst on my period. I am thoroughly disgusted by the idea, and I have been having the worst period EVER.

So, now I get a ultrasound while bleeding. Gross. Than I'm not entirely sure what is going to happen. I think its two days of pills followed by injections. The doctor made it seem like this treatment was very reliable and should work. It apparently works for most of his patients with PCOS.

The only problem - the cost. I don't know if my insurance covers it, and I have to pay out of pocket than get reimbursed. My first appointment was 250 dollars, and this next one - minimum 190 dollars. I am very nervous. I may not be poor, but I'm not rolling in the dough either.

The good news, there is hope. My cousin who has a tilted uterus and only one ovary (due to a tubal pregnancy a year ago) is pregnant! It truly is a miracle.

My sister in law that has Lupus is also knocked up. So, there is hope out there. An update to follow Friday night.

I have been skeptical for a while since I have lost 6 pant sizes since January and have seen no results. But when I hear a story about miracles, I can't help but hope.

June 2010 Update

My mission to help in assisting those with PCOS and don't understand has taken way. I have been chatting with a few people on another website that have questions about medications and symptoms. So far, I think I have helped a dozen women understand what PCOS is in the long run. It's a good feeling.

On a personal note, I am on month 17-18 whilst trying to conceive and so far no luck. For the last few months it has been a series of Provera and Clomid. For those who don't know what those are - Provera is a progesterone supplement. Its places the hormone in your system so that you can start your period. A women, without PCOS, gets 5-10 days of progesterone in her system after ovulation, if you get pregnant, your levels stay elevated and you don't start your monthly - if you fail to get pregnant, you start your period. So - in other words - not a good thing. I have not been having a regular period lately, and Provera makes me gain weight and be irritable. I was having somewhat regular periods before seeing a fertility doctor and now its getting more complicated than I had hoped. That, and my insurance doesn't cover fertility meds. Its getting expensive.

Clomid is a drug that helps stimulate ovulation. In other words, a fertility drug. I started on a light dose of 50mg and I felt nothing and ... it didn't work. It felt like a ton of bricks finding that information out. I mean, I felt like I was more broken than I had thought I was originally. Then after some more provera, I started 100mg and this time I had hot flashes and cramps. It was no good! Still, no luck. I failed to ovulate again, and its looking grim. Eighty percent of women will ovulate their FIRST month on clomid. I DIDN'T. Which makes the outlook grim. Your chances of it working goes down every month you use it. So, going on month #3 makes it saddening.

So this month I am on day two of provera (of 10) and then I will be on Clomid 150mg cycle days 2-7. I am going to feel like crap, but I have been working out more compulsively than usual. I have been working out daily, and I am determined to get this month to work. I really want a baby still, and every day that passes without one is getting more and more painful.

I do have a buddy in Washington though. We have been chatting, and she is slightly behind me. She has yet to start clomid, but she will soon and she seems just as hurt and broken as I am. to be a craving mother, to have your maternal instincts shattered is more pain than any one person can bare. I am lucky to have a husband to share my feelings with and who listens to my problems, without judgment.

Still, I am hoping to be able to help spread any information I can to those who need it. Symptoms, side effects, medication information, anything. Wish me luck.

Updates on the forefront

Hello again everyone! I apologize it has taken so long to report, but things have been crazy with work, school and of course the family planning process.

I was referred to a specialist in January, where he immediately took action. After two periods and a round of Provera, (Provera is derived from the hormone progesterone. It is the hormone that makes your uterine lining fluffy and prepared to become fertilized. It is also the hormone your body produces right before your period, so once it drops, you start your menstrual cycle.) I was finally started on a drug called CLOMID. This drug is supposed to help ovulation and produce a "better quality egg" as my very strange doctor had put it.

On that note, my doctor... I have never had a male doctor before, and this one is a "girlly" doctor and makes me REALLY nervous. Good thing he is very kind and surprisingly gentle when doing the pap smear. I'm very pleases with my experience.

Anyway, I'm on day three of my 5 day regimen of Clomid, and I am nervous for two reasons...

1. What if it works? THIS IS IT! I mean, in 5 weeks I could be bloated and moody and incredibly happy.

2. What if it doesn't work? Is something wrong with me? A lot of women have reported both getting pregnant on their first and second rounds of clomid.... but what if I'm broken?

I know, it sounds ridiculous.... but I really really don't want to go on prevera again.... It made me gain weight, and get bad acne for a couple weeks no matter how much I washed my face or worked out.

I'm scared... scared I'm broken, scared I'll be a shitty mom, scared of the outcome of this journey. So much bad could happen.....