June 2010 Update

My mission to help in assisting those with PCOS and don't understand has taken way. I have been chatting with a few people on another website that have questions about medications and symptoms. So far, I think I have helped a dozen women understand what PCOS is in the long run. It's a good feeling.

On a personal note, I am on month 17-18 whilst trying to conceive and so far no luck. For the last few months it has been a series of Provera and Clomid. For those who don't know what those are - Provera is a progesterone supplement. Its places the hormone in your system so that you can start your period. A women, without PCOS, gets 5-10 days of progesterone in her system after ovulation, if you get pregnant, your levels stay elevated and you don't start your monthly - if you fail to get pregnant, you start your period. So - in other words - not a good thing. I have not been having a regular period lately, and Provera makes me gain weight and be irritable. I was having somewhat regular periods before seeing a fertility doctor and now its getting more complicated than I had hoped. That, and my insurance doesn't cover fertility meds. Its getting expensive.

Clomid is a drug that helps stimulate ovulation. In other words, a fertility drug. I started on a light dose of 50mg and I felt nothing and ... it didn't work. It felt like a ton of bricks finding that information out. I mean, I felt like I was more broken than I had thought I was originally. Then after some more provera, I started 100mg and this time I had hot flashes and cramps. It was no good! Still, no luck. I failed to ovulate again, and its looking grim. Eighty percent of women will ovulate their FIRST month on clomid. I DIDN'T. Which makes the outlook grim. Your chances of it working goes down every month you use it. So, going on month #3 makes it saddening.

So this month I am on day two of provera (of 10) and then I will be on Clomid 150mg cycle days 2-7. I am going to feel like crap, but I have been working out more compulsively than usual. I have been working out daily, and I am determined to get this month to work. I really want a baby still, and every day that passes without one is getting more and more painful.

I do have a buddy in Washington though. We have been chatting, and she is slightly behind me. She has yet to start clomid, but she will soon and she seems just as hurt and broken as I am. to be a craving mother, to have your maternal instincts shattered is more pain than any one person can bare. I am lucky to have a husband to share my feelings with and who listens to my problems, without judgment.

Still, I am hoping to be able to help spread any information I can to those who need it. Symptoms, side effects, medication information, anything. Wish me luck.